Ways To Understand Units of Measurement: Something I wrote that got on McSweeney’s (which is why I’m putting it first).

Helping “Master” Photographers: Old photos could be a lot better with Photoshop.

The Real World: United Nations: The true story of 192 countries, picked to live in one house.

Wet Paint Sign Anagrams: There’s a lot you can spell with 8 letters.

Tweets to the Three People Who Recently Unfollowed: It’s totally cool. I’m handling it just fine.

Humane Executions: There’s a better way to kill.

Spider-Man the Musical: A Review: I saw Julie Taymor’s version of the Spiderman Broadway musical.

Lazy Halloween Costumes: Help me decide what costume I should wear this Halloween.

Heaven: FAQ Heaven may not be what you expected, but you’ll still like it. Whether you want to or not.

My New Tax Plan: A Modest Proposal: The only patriotic tax plan.

Wild Animals: A Survival Guide: Great advice on how to handle various wild animals.

God’s Deadline: Yom Kipur is tough on everyone. Even God.

Infographics: A company offered to pay me to put their infographics on my website. This is our e-mail exchange.

An Open Letter To Professor Death Skull Inc. Employees: Villainy ain’t easy. Or cheap.

TV Tag Lines: Truthful tag lines for TV shows.

John Roland: Compensated Spokesperson: Is there anything this man can’t sell?

Hobbits Are Real: A great amusement park idea.

Berenstain Bears Gone Wild: These ain’t your childhood’s Berenstain Bears.

Related posts:

1. Writing

Recently, people end up at AdamThinks for one of two reasons. Either to find spoilers for Dan Brown’s new novel The Lost Symbol, or to find spoilers for Kate Beckinsale’s new movie Whiteout.

It is amazing to me that anyone actually thinks Whiteout has a plot that could be spoiled.

But there are also a lot of strange search strings that bring people here, and I’ve been saving up the good ones for a few months now. I hope you find them amusing.

Without a doubt, my favorite search of all time is can i make it look good? or am i gonna look like a crazy giraffe with rabies. Not only is that an awesome thing to search for, but I am the number one Google result! I could not be happier, even though for the rest of my life I will be obsessed with what “it” is that might make someone look like a crazy giraffe with rabies. And for those of you wondering what a crazy giraffe with rabies looks like, I made this.

Somewhat surprisingly, if you search I have a cut open to the skull, I am also the number one result. I feel really bad for the person who googled that and ended up here. I guess they never thought to google 911.

Also filed under, “Not what I was looking for” is breaking a death news to employees – letter which brings me up 9th. And I’m first if you search death letters to professor. I would love to know what that person was actually looking for. Did he want tips on writing a death threat to a professor, or just for a way to write to a dead professor? Either way, I wish my website could have been more of a help.

Painted deathskull weird boy ranks me the 5th most authoritative source on odd young men’s decorated skulls.

Search Perfume us army new line and I come up 3rd. For the life of me, I can’t imagine what an army themed perfume would smell like (ass kicking and bubblegum?), but I would love to see that commercial.

I’m 6th if you search ct and adam fight was adam really afraid for his life? Let me answer that right now. Yes, I was afraid for my life. You try fighting the entire state of Connecticut and not fear death.

Film poster psychedelic body brings me up second. I am furious that I’m not number one. There is no better place on the internet than right here to find bodies tripping on acid while advertising movies.

I’m also second if you search Egotistical wild animals. Egotistical wild animals? Awesome. On the flip side, I rank 4th under do wild animals cry (turkeys)? which would be an awesome Prince song. And people searching for adages about gorillas will find me listed second.

I’m number one for “Hostile Takeover” Movie porn which does not speak well for that movie’s promotional team.

Hippy desktop wallpaper ranks me 14th. That’s sorta a bummer, man, but we’re all in this together, you know?

I come up 7th if you’re asking why do cheez-its have holes in the center. I’m just glad there are other people who wonder about that too.

I’m the 17th result if you search how did fonzie get so cool? But that’s like asking “How is water wet?” It just is. And while we’re on the subject of Fonzie, seaching fonzie ayyy brings me up 4th, which I think is funny, because I wonder what someone was wanting to know about Fonzie, that they had to include “ayyy” to get the right result.

I am listed 20th if you search sissies gone wild. That is probably not something to brag about.

Speaking of things to not brag about, if you’re looking for penis tag lines, I’m 24th.

But if you want some good tag lines for women, I’m ranked 5th, which is worth a brag.

I’m 10th under obama porn photoshop pictures. As you can imagine, that’s a real windfall for me, because who doesn’t search for Obama porn photoshop pictures at least once a day?

Walmart m1 tank lists me 11th. Did someone really think they could buy a tank at Walmart?

I’m second for I’m on a death trap baby true blood which is the most beautiful refrigerator magnet poetry I’ve read in quite some time.

I’m also the second result for “nazi germany” up pixar, so it’s nice to know I’ve got the Disney loving Nazis demographic on my side.

And then there are searches that freak me out enough that I didn’t follow up to find my Google ranking.

1. sexy 15 year old boy

2. sexy thoughts for 15 year old

3. got a moustache and 15 years old boy

4. NUDE KIDS

5. cook baby porn

6. twitter/baby porn

7. gay boys taking it

I don’ t know what’s worse, that people searched for those things, or that those searches lead them here. Either way, I hope you’ve enjoyed my website, because I’ll probably be shut down soon.

Related posts:

1. Google Searches

Afterwords I thought of some more Wet Paint anagrams, but none really seemed worth a second post. That is, until I thought to use two signs.

Enjoy.

And I think that about does it for wet paint signs.

Related posts:

1. More Wet Paint Anagrams

Whoever first thought to tear off the P and rearrange the words is a genius. So perfect in both form and function, it’s hard to believe the idea ever did not exist.

But I am not content with such utilitarian ideas. It is the superfluous and sublime that captivate me. Are there other anagrams that can open eyes and lift spirits?

In other words, can I be the love child of Will Shortz and Andy Goldsworthy?

And if so, isn’t that worth a few unexpected paint stains?

Related posts:

1. Wet Paint Anagrams

		Wet Paint Anagrams There’s a lot you can spell with 8 letters.
		Helping “Master” Photographers Old photos could be a lot better with Photoshop.
		The Real World: United Nations The true story of 192 countries, picked to live in one house.
		My New Tax Plan: A Modest Proposal The only truly patriotic tax plan
		TV Tag Lines Truthful tag lines for TV shows.
		Wild Animals: A Survival Guide Great advice on how to handle various wild animals.
		An Open Letter To Professor Death Skull Inc. Employees Villainry ain’t easy. Or cheap.
		Suspicious Subway Sights When you’re underground, trust nobody.
		God’s Deadline Yom Kipur is tough on everyone. Even God.
		John Roland: Compensated Spokesperson Is there anything this man can’t sell?
		Hobbits Are Real A great amusement park idea.
		Berenstain Bears Gone Wild These ain’t your childhood’s Berenstain Bears.
		Hostile Takeover of Ann Sacks Includes the greatest photo of me ever taken.
		Star Trek: The New Star Wars A brief analysis of Star Wars and Star Trek.

Related posts:

1. First Time Here?